Sunday, June 1, 2008

There's a Naked Girl in Your Room!

All right, let's see. As I explained in my last post, I rarely dated anyone seriously until after I graduated college. I was a big advocate of the chase (unfortunately, I think I still am)- anyways, this explains why "he" ended up in my bed.
It was my senior year of college and I met Mitchell one evening at an economics study session! Now wait a minute!!!!! I am many things, economics nerd, I am NOT! The situation was, since I spent the first semester of my sophomore year, drunk 24/7 (this is quite literal), my GPA somehow managed to shrink when I didn't show up to class- whatever! Who cares if I have my clothes on from the night before (minus my bra) and no writing utensil or paper,- that is no reason to ask me to leave class, because you can smell alcohol, I still brought my brain (sort of). So bottom line, I graduated school in four years, with a 3.6 GPA, even after receiving a 1.9 GPA- that semester! Which brings me to why I'm in a classroom at 9pm on a Thursday night, trying to learn economics!
Anyway, I'm sitting there, confused as all hell, when Mitchell leans over and says "Hi Lori, do you remember me, I'm Dani's friend, she's a DG with you (sorority sister- Delta Gamma- for you non-Greeks)." Wow, I'm not sure I quite know who he's talking about (our chapter had over 200 girls in it)- but I smiley politely and give a giggle and say "of course-" like the blonde I am. After the study session, we walk back towards our houses together and chat- he seems sweet, and he is tall, like 6'6"- and height is one of my biggest turn-ons.
The weekend comes and I see Mitchell out, we flirt and make jokes and I can tell that he's shy, and won't make a move for me, so this is a challenge! Bingo- I'm in! So for a few weeks we see each other around and same old thing- flirting and awkwardness when we part ways. Finally I ask him to go to a sorority date party of mine, and he agrees, we exchange numbers- and get it all set up. Now, as I explained, I really want what I think I can't have, so this has already deflated my sails a little bit- and we haven't even gone anywhere (maybe I was a bit of a tease in college?)
Regardless, we go to the party, all is well, I get him drunk, and myself drunker. Then I invite him back to my house to "play Nintendo." Now in college, I lived with 11 girls and we actually owned an old school NES, with Nintendo power pad and duck hunt and tons of games. Most of the time we would invite guys back to "play Nintendo," and we really meant "I'm about to kick your ass in Tetras, not show you my ass!" But luckily for Mitchell, I wasn't even remembering we had a Nintendo.
We get back, go to my room, get in bed, have a sweet kiss, and that's it. He's a gentlemen- very sweet, and actually kind of makes me have a crush on him. So we spoon, like normal college kids in a single bed and fall asleep. (I do find out later that I was the first girl he ever kissed- yes we were seniors in college- and I thought I was a late bloomer- wow!)
All of a sudden, in the middle of our sweet, drunken slubmer, Mitchell is tapping me on my head yelling "there's someone in your room!" I assure him it's no biggie, that the bathroom for our loft is through my room, so I'm sure it's one of the girls I share the attic with, "knock it off and go back to bed." Then he starts freaking out, he's shaking me, stuttering and stammering, "um, um, I think she's naked! um, she's sitting at your desk!" WHAT THE HELL! so I look up from my bed to see a definite naked chick at my desk, as my vision focuses in the dark, I see that it's one of my housemates! I yell "Jane! What the hell are you doing, get your naked ass out of my desk chair." We get nothing, then she starts playing with my stapler, paper clips, tape, etc. All the while Mitchell is rocking and mumbling "oh my god, um, um, does this happen alot, what's going on, um, um." Then Jane decides to turn my light on and expose her naked self to us and proceeds to walk toward my bed lift up the covers and climb in with us! At this point I'm dying laughing......she's butt ass naked climbing in my bed, and 40 year old virgin behind me is scared stiff, and not in a good way! So I push her out of bed and tell her to go back to own room, where she then heads off to, but not before she has to walk through my two attic roommates rooms, down the stairs, down our long hallway, through our kitchen and into her bedroom- NAKED!
I am laughing so hard now- seriously- how funny is that! Right? And really, what college guy hasn't prayed to the god of college co-eds that this would happen to him at least once before he graduates? Well, not Mitchell, he gets up, so stupefied and confused, still mumbling, "she was naked, oh my, um...um...." He then let's me know he has to study for a quiz he has tomorrow and will have to be leaving now- it's 3am in the morning, really douche bag? Whatever- have a nice walk of shame- you live on the other side of campus! So I let him go, because I'm too drunk still to drive him, and I'm sort of annoyed he wouldn't just knock it off and go back to sleep.
Next morning, after I get up, I walk down to Jane's room to see what the Fuck had been going through her head last night, I open her door and first see a naked ass up, face down dude on her floor, and then I whisper "Jane- are you up?" Oh she was up alright, so up, that she jumped out of the sheets straight onto her feet in the middle of the bed (still BUTT naked, beaver exposed and all) and started screaming "the squirrels are in here, the squirrels are in here!" Then she gets back under the covers and goes back to sleep- all the while the ass up dude doesn't move an inch! Quality! And they say my college is the Harvard of the Midwest! If they only knew- what that really meant!!!!!
Word to the wise- lock your bedroom door when you live with 11 girls! he he
xoxo

No comments: