Asians and Chicken Wings!

I’d like to start by saying, I am damn glad Asians are not prone to high cholesterol or heart attacks, because if they were I definitely would have killed one today!

It started off as a normal Monday, crazy as all hell and taking a fire lit under my ass to stop dicking around and get my butt out the door, but fairly normal.

However, now that I think about it, there were a few hiccups in the morning that changed the start to my day, and what I am now holding hostage as the reasons for my "Asian Invasion."

1. Last night I was apparently sweating like a pig in thermal underwear and mittens, so when I woke up this morning, not only had I sweated through my t-shirt, but my sheets were also in serious need of a wash! So I had to through a load of laundry in- (Oddity number ONE.)
2. My milk was about to expire so I had to forgo my usual bowl of cereal for breakfast and have an apple instead. (I know what you’re thinking, the milk was only ABOUT to expire…..well, I have really weird issues with milk, and can’t drink it on or around the expiration date….that is a whole different issue for my psychiatrist and a different blog!) (Oddity number TWO.)
3. In addition to needing to wash my sheets, I also apparently needed to do laundry because I forced to choose between a jingle bell Christmas thong and no panties at all. Well call me “Captain Commando”, I was NOT jingling all day long! So maybe the breeze threw me off a bit? (Oddity number THREE.)
4. Last, I didn’t have any milk- remember? So I didn’t have my coffee either (because I drink it with milk). I tried green-tea, but after you read what happen, you’ll see why I NEED my coffee in the morning! (Oddity number FOUR.)
   
   Ok, so now that we all know there were plenty of things on my plate, it's not so hard to understand why I was such a moron that day. It was around lunch time, and I had to stop at the UPS store and send a fax. I’m thinking of all the million things I had to do, and was just going on with my day, not so much conscience. Next thing I know there is a screaming Asian man with hot sauce all over his face and hands in my driver seat!!!!!!!
   
   Let me back up, when I walked out of the UPS store I was thinking of how nice it was outside, and I opened “my driver” door to MY car, and there looking up at me in absolute terror was an Asian man, eating chicken wings. He had hot sauce all over his face and hands and the wing right up to his lips for his next delicious bite, until I scared the shit out of him, by opening his car door as if I were going to carjack him. His eyes were huge, and he screamed like a girl with a mouse in her pants….he probably left something in his own pants after this event! I immediately realized what I had done, apologized profusely and then slammed his own car door in HIS face!
   
   While speeding off, away from the scene so I didn’t get arrested, I had two major realizations, 1. Asians eat chicken wings and 2. I have a white car, NOT silver!